as children we were taught: "keep your hands to yourself." as in most things, we were admonished to abstain rather than to self-controlling moderation. i realise this rule is usually instituted to keep children from hitting or pestering each other. but, how does this lesson shape our relationships with others? why is it so awkward for grown up friends -- or even grown ups within families -- to stand physical contact?
when my niece was a toddler, she would always be sitting on a lap or holding a hand; she always wanted to be in physical contact with someone.
when i was a toddler -- this story comes via my mother -- and woke up in the middle of the night, as most toddlers do, i would call out for my mom or dad to stay with me until i fell back asleep. my mom said that i would always want to be held closely, to be in physical contact with whoever was there to put me back to sleep.
why do we discourage physical contact so much? is it so horrible? so many children and adults have so little contact with other people.
as the reader would suspect, i have a theory. and as it is such, any comments or complaints assuming its absolute accuracy will be ignored. furthermore, this is meant as a generality and will not concern specific instances:
our entertainment, our news, our literature, our conversations all link physical contact with sexual intimacy. and it seems that many people, adult or otherwise, link any physical contact past hand shakes, brief 'side-saddle' hugs, pats on the back, etc. as an indication of sexual attraction or more.
now, don't mistake my theory for naïvete about the very real presence of inappropriate contact between people. yet, because of those who make physical contact in order to harm or out of perverted desires a fear has developed among the well-intentioned: the fear of being mistaken -- which holds fear-striking consequences -- for someone with ulterior motives.
what are we so afraid of in having physical contact with those who are close to us? do we keep forbidding physical contact in the name of fear? in the name of social commandment? many adults are out in society longing for contact end up feeling like they are disgusting because no one will be close to them... many children wonder if something is wrong with them or if they have done something wrong... many teenagers are being taught that physical contact is only connected with sexual activity: all adding to the cycle which turns out destructive, perverted contact which turns out fear which turns out the absence of appropriate contact.
do we let the harmful ruin one of the most basic of human interaction?
or do we reclaim it?
3 comments:
i say we take it back! appropriately and slowly...but i say we reclaim appropriate physical affection!
i miss being hugged and patted on the back. or having my arm touched when someone's talking to me. i go DAYS without being hugged and it's awful. it's like being malnourished.
i think you're grand.
The (true) Christian worldview would scream "Reclaim!", unfortunately the as-it-has-developed-evangelical worldview screams "Obstain!".
I try to hug my kids at school as much as I can...the little ones especially love being hugged...I think that the reason physical contact has been lessoned over the years has to do with fear...fear of ppl getting the wrong impression, of law suits, sexual harassment claims..that sort of thing...you have to be really careful as a teacher...sadly, like you said, ppl associate all touch/contact with the same meaning...sexual...and these days you are taking a huge risk if you show affection...there's my two cents on it :)
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