I used to rule the world.
Seas would rise when I gave the word.
Now in the morning I sleep alone,
Sweep the streets I used to own.
I used to roll the dice,
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes.
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key;
Next the walls were closed on me.
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand.
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing,
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing.
Be my mirror, my sword, and shield,
My missionaries in a foreign field.
For some reason I can't explain,
Once you know there was never, never an honest word.
That was when I ruled the world.
It was the wicked and wild wind,
Blew down the doors to let me in,
Shattered windows and the sound of drums.
People couldn't believe what I'd become.
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate.
Just a puppet on a lonely string.
Oh who would ever want to be king?
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing,
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing.
Be my mirror, my sword, and shield,
My missionaries in a foreign field.
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name.
Never an honest word.
And that was when I ruled the world.
when i find a song that truly hits me... it's like i've met a new best friend. when i'm listening to a different song on the album, i miss that song. i wonder why these other songs aren't like my new best-friend-song. i'll readily admit that, on average, i'll listen to this new song 15 times in one sitting. now, that i've introduced you to one of my rather intimate details... i'll give you my permission to call me "strange" and explain why i'm writing about this particular song i've provided the lyrics for above. this song, for some reason, hit me a little harder than normal.
i realize that Mr. Martin probably intended this song to be about Mr. Bush or Mr. Blair, as it is said on the street. but, it means something different to me. and i believe that music has the innate ability to be elastic.
this song could be sung by me and i would mean every single word. now, i know i never really "ruled the world." but in my own little existence of life, i definitely ruled my own world. now, some of you readers will think, "well, of course, you did. you are your own person." well, i kindly ask that you humor me.
six years ago, i was completely and utterly sure of everything i believed. everything. i knew exactly what i was supposed to do. i knew exactly what i wanted. i knew how to get what i wanted. and i was fucking miserable. today, i am completely and utterly unsure of so many things in my life. i have no idea what i am supposed to do. i don't know what the hell i want or how to even imagine about getting it. and i am content. i lived in castles, but living on the proverbial street is so much more fulfilling than any castle built on pillars of salt and sand. i shared this with my sister this past week, and her response was agreeable, "Brother, that's life."
i was so concerned with being in charge.
so concerned with knowing, that i lost sight of everything; ironically enough, even of myself -- the one thing that i "had" control of.
i will not say that i have completely found myself, because i hope that there is more to me than this. but i will say that i have found more of myself. i realize that sometimes definitions hinder understandings... and that "control" can have many connotations. when i write this next part i am not-- nor was i in any of the previous parts -- referring to self-control; that is a different concept:
i have realized that i cannot be controlled by my own person. and this is so freeing. relinquishing control over something so uncontrollable -- and handing it over to Someone who is able and has been courting me for it -- is liberatingly wonderful.
it's awe-full and scary and comforting that He has said, "you can't hide from Me."
sheesh, this was a long one.
