now, i should be in bed...

but, what's a late night between friends?

this weather we're having here in Dallas, Texas has somehow awoken -- and to be completely honest, i'm not sure that's a word -- inside of me certain feelings. largely feelings of nostalgia, loneliness, and, as an added bonus, a touch of hopelessness.

this lovely, mid- to high-70 degree weather coupled with ample clear skies, ignites deep within me a strong, overbearing desire to be outside. however, to be outside with someone who is special to me. now, before you get your mind up and running thinking that i have a particular person in mind, i will tell you to not let that thought keep going; i have no one person in mind. this feeling is a rather ambiguous and general one. it is just a raw emotion to be outside, enjoying this weather with a significant other.

now, this is where Loneliness rears its ugly and unwelcome head... menacing me with its disdainful whispers and dire need for company. i feel this great need to be in the presence of someone who would make my heart beat faster, but, as it is obvious, i have not in this area. i am well aware of the statements many of you would -- and have -- made about me finding someone like this. you may save them for the next pity party i have scheduled for next Thursday.

and, Loneliness, after he has all but settled into the spare bedroom of my mind, he is lonely and calls his friend Hopelessness. but, that is neither here nor there; and i digress.

The sun is out,
The sky is blue.
It's beautiful;
and so are you.

purpose

last night, i watched part of an episode of Planet Earth. it was an episode about caves. the portion i saw was concerning caves that are completely filled with water and flow out into the sea. in this particular cave there were, of course, many creatures living. it was probably the Sullen Sally or Pragmatic Patrick inside of me that then asked this question of the creatures which live in these caves: what is their purpose?

what is their purpose? they live in this cave their entire life. they either die of natural causes or get preyed upon by the next creature up in the food chain. most, if not all, live and die in those caves. now, i could buy into some "ecosystem" argument if argued well enough, but... really, what is their purpose? they live, eat, swim, and die. this is their existence. no emotions. no thought. no love.

like some fat loser, and like i was watching some stupid human interest piece about a kitten with no hind legs... i started feeling a connection between me and these damn fish. well, firstly, i started projecting my own feelings of purposelessness (and i'm certain that one's not a word) upon these fish. then i started to identify with how i saw their existence.

but they are not without purpose. even if no one ever discovered that they existed... they have a purpose. i offer to you zero proof to back up this belief. this is where i tell Pragmatic Patrick to get off. purpose is not founded upon such cut and dry definitions of what is able to be offered -- and seen as "useful" -- by that one thing or being to the rest of existence. an efficiency and task driven existence allows for little else.

there used to be a Steak and Shake commercial about their hand spun milkshakes. the cute little number they had pretending be one of their waitresses said (warning, not a verbatim quote), "People often ask us why we hand spin our milkshakes instead of doing it faster like the other guys. Our response is: when was the last time you tasted a shake and said, 'Mmmm. That tastes... efficient.' "