i know i've written on this before, but i rarely say that i have regrets. very, very few things i would go back and change about what's happened or what i've done. but most of those are with the idea that i would know then what i know now and that seems rather short-sighted. yes, hindsight is 20/20. and i often say that i am fine with past mistakes and happenings because without them i would not be where i am right now... and overall, i like where i am... mostly.
but there is something i would go back and change. whole-heartedly i say that i would.
sometimes something that has happened can have such a restricting and deafening effect. it colors everything similarly occurring or related based on it. i know rather well all of the psychological conversations on perception, faulty processing and blah blah blah. but, really, my perception is my reality - faulty or not. sometimes past happenings raise the bar of expectations or lower it. what's fun is when a little bit of both happen.
i can't shake this one (well, maybe i won't and that's possible). it's become a reference point for many things and that's disheartening.
it's as if i was waiting for traffic to end to make a left turn, made the left turn when i didn't see any traffic... but got hit by another car. and now, i'm scared to make left turns. and it's as if when i went to China, ate authentic Chinese food and didn't want to eat at Chinese restaurants when i got back to the States.
i'm sure that last part was more than confusing.
all this to say, given the chance... i would go back and do it differently. while i like where i am overall, i don't like being at this particular place within that. and i don't like that i don't like it.
ssdd,
levi
And I try and I try and I try
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm goin' crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
I got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe
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