well, i need to be studying for my final tomorrow morning, but... this is more fun at the moment. sorry i've been absent for a while, but life kind of got in the way. school ends tomorrow (officially) for the semester with my one final at 9:00 AM.
with my first semester a breath away from being over, i can say: it was a good one. i'm not disappointed with my first semester. my good grades may have something to do with it, but i enjoyed it overall.
now a turn for the serious. having a friend leave your life is difficult. i am careful (and picky, quelle surprise...) about who i call friend and am very set in my ways about what friendship is. a friend of mine and i parted ways this autumn. i won't go into the details because, well, it's personal and i'm not the only one involved. as bad as it is to lose a friend, it is very good to gain that friend back. :)
i also came to a realization during my absence from blogging. i like knowing stuff. it makes me crazy when i do not... but once i find out what i want to know - happy as a clam. communication is a tricky thing. and even i'm getting tired of blogging about it, but it really is about perception. if i say the word "chair" an image comes to your mind and to mine. i guarantee that while your chair and my chair will, in essence, have all the necessary qualities to be called "chair"... they will most likely look very different. that's the point of perception... i've thought of an old captain's chair and you've thought of a rocking chair. you don't know that i've thought of a captain's chair unless i tell you and i don't know you've thought of a rocking chair unless you tell me. we all live on the same world, breath the same air... why don't we learn how to communicate/relate better than we do? we all have our reasons. mine is that i'm scared most of the time about it. but i have to get over that, just as we should all get over our reasons.
i go to confession at my church. not very often, but i do. one thing my priest told me before i made my first confession (as i was scared to do so) is that having sat for confessions for the last 30-odd years, there is one thing that he has found in common: it's all the same shit (yes, he used that word). he went on to say that if people just realized that what they do isn't that different from what others do, it'd be a lot easier to share.
i don't mean to completely liken relating to one another to confessing... but i think it is similar. i'm always scared to share, but i think that if i just realize that there's a lot more the same between me and whoever... it'd be easier.
life is too short to be scared all the time.
on my death bed, i think i'd like to look back and see that i was willing to share myself with others even if it was difficult and painful to do so... rather than look back and be "satisfied" that i protected myself all the time and went through life not making any deep connection with others.
what keeps you?
ssdd,
levi
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